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[personal profile] daiyaonna
Oops. I missed this by a little. But I've been kind of annoyingly sick the past five days (thanks to my sister), so I'm still a little out of it. If anyone actually wants to read the first part of this LONG meme [ day 01 ], I will link them. Just let me know, yeah?

day 02 – your first love.

My first love happened only some odd number of years ago, but the first time I felt any sort of romantic inclination toward someone else was during high school.

I was 16. I never really noticed anyone in a relationship way. Sure, I had tiny crushes here and there, but I didn't act upon them simply because I wasn't all that invested in dating and didn't care to pursue the idea. Her name was Jennifer. She was a year older than I was, and now, I can't remember how we met exactly. I was friends with her cousin, Robin, through my French classes, and at one point, we shared a computer course with each other and a few others. We became really good friends, close even. We shared everything. We even passed a notebook back and forth between classes to read what we had written to each other (since this was before the days cell phones became insanely popular).

In geometry, it dawned on me that I might not just like her as a friend. It didn't scare me. I wasn't all that confused by it. I simply liked who I liked, and it didn't matter her gender. I confessed to her first. She felt the same. Life was good for a while.

Eventually, however, it got around school that we were seeing each other. People started coming up to me in the halls and in class and asking if I "really was that way". I didn't lie to them; I was proud of the fact. No one did anything about it. I guess they just didn't really care. We held hands in the gymnasium every morning and still talked to everyone we normally talked to. Except Robin and Jennifer's brother.

It "weirded" Robin out, and she wouldn't have me over to her house anymore. Jennifer's brother, about the same age as I was, glared at me whenever we walked past each other. Jennifer reassured me that everything was okay, he would come around. But she had a lot of family problems at home. I couldn't call her. I came to school one morning and discovered that she had tried to kill herself-- OD'd on some sort of pill her mother kept in the medicine cabinet. I was questioned and eventually suspended from school for 5 days. It was May. I didn't see Jennifer anymore after that.

I still don't speak to Robin (I wonder what she's doing now) and eventually heard a few stories about Jennifer being pregnant by some guy she was seeing. I think she had at least two other kids by then. People still asked me if I "was that way" even after Jennifer was taken out of school. I answered them honestly--something like that doesn't just disappear. I became really good friends with my future high school friends after that.

I saw Jennifer years later outside some fast food place when I was heading to work. I didn't speak to her. I don't think she recognized me, though I haven't changed much. Occasionally, I wonder if she thinks about me.


I guess that helped to shape who I've become as a person. Now, I'm otherwise involved and happy. And that's...all I really have to say about that.
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