daiyaonna: (bridged rainfall)
[personal profile] daiyaonna
It's been a long time since I've actually sat down and written out my thoughts, but they're kind of a jumble these days. Still using Plurk a little too much, but that can't be helped as it's easy to write a sentence or two rather than paragraphs of feeling. Um, so.


Since I found out some (potentially) disturbing news, and I'm not sure how to cope with it if it is, in fact, disturbing. Life altering, I should say.

She's been having pain in her left shoulder for a while now, so she went to the doctor to have it x-rayed to make sure she didn't pull a muscle or something during her routine exercises. They couldn't tell exactly what it was, so they immediately made her go for a CAT scan upon which they "accidentally" discovered a 9mm mass in her left lung. Further tests, I suppose, we already done, but the results won't be until Saturday or so. And it's left me feeling...indescribable.

I'm pretty sure I cried when I was alone because I'm not ready to deal with the fact it could be something like cancer rather than anything else. When my sister and I saw her yesterday, she looked tired. Her hands were also shaking a lot; I'd never noticed that before, and it was weird. But I didn't want to say anything because maybe the medication she's on does that? I honestly don't know. She's only 41.



So, I've been in a daze because of that and probably not in the right mindset for a lot of things lately. Work's been a drag. They've pushed me back to working so late that there's absolutely nothing to do once the department is closed, so I just...sit around for about an hour. (Not that I'm complaining since I'm still getting paid for it.) And life is generally blah at the moment.

Next week, my sister and I are taking my cousin and her friend to see a concert. Tickets paid for almost three/four weeks ago. At least that's something to look forward to outside of work. [personal profile] stopping will be here in 35 days. I need this so badly, I feel like I'm going crazy.

--

Distracting self with writing (Katie and I are doing BB*SS's August issue prompt thing, and I think it's going to be really, really fun) and reading (reread of Ginn Hale's Lord of the White Hell).

Need to typeset Vassalord chapters and maybe think of a post for Cherry. Get him around some more. I wish I felt more like RP these days, but things have just been an insane roller coaster. Which, of course, has made me distant lately.
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